My greatest fear- in terms of my family- is that everything will change. My kids won't need me. They will no longer ask me to kiss their boo-boos. They will forget to kiss me goodbye or goodnight. They will no longer climb up into my lap to watch their favorite TV show or movie. She will not ask me to swaddle her baby doll for the hundredth time today. He won't nuzzle my neck as I rock him to sleep.
The fear isn't outgrowing the little tasks of kissing boo-boos and giving baths, although they are oh-so-precious, but who I am to them. They will grow up. This precious "I am their world, their best friend, his pillow, or her protector" moment in time will be gone forever. Today, as they are tiny, I am who they look to for security and encouragement to face the world.
My family IS changing. My kiddos ARE growing (and what a blessing from God that they are happy and healthy!!). My children will very soon not need me in the same way they do today. And that IS good. But today, they do. And today, that need is precious. Their need of me bonds us together. Their need makes me kiss a boo-boo that before would have made me squeal from "ick-factor." Their need makes me chase and kiss a dirty face that before would have made me question a mother's sanity. Their need helps me to remember to slow down and just "be." Her need helps me to remember that life happens in the in-between. His need helps me to remember that they will not be little for long.
All things considered, I am not the best at being mommy to two tinies! I will admit it: this has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life, and I am SO ready to be finished with diapers! I do not always feel like being a stay at home working mom. Sometimes, I want to be able to escape, and not get snot or spit up or some other questionable substance rubbed on my face between the cries and diaper changes (what mom hasn't hid in her closet with a tub of ice cream?!?). But these babies need me. And as long as they need me, I will be here, regardless of the challenges.
