Part 2: Get Active and Move Together
As a parent, it can sometimes feel like you're watching your tween slowly drift away. They are pulling away from childhood and stepping closer to adolescence, and while it’s all part of growing up, it leaves a heavy weight in your heart. One day they are asking for help with everything, and the next, they’re shrugging off your advice and seeking independence.
During these years of change, it’s easy to feel disconnected. Tweens often seem so absorbed in their own world of friends, school, and social media that we might wonder if they still need us as much as they did before. But I can tell you, they do. They just need us in a different way.
One of the most powerful things you can do to stay connected to your tween—and help them feel seen, heard, and loved—is by getting active and moving together. Physical activity isn’t just great for health; it’s also an ideal opportunity for bonding in a way that doesn’t require direct eye contact or deep, intense conversations. Sometimes, it’s in the movement itself that the best moments happen.
When you’re engaging in a physical activity with your tween, the conversation often flows more naturally. Why? Because the focus isn’t solely on talking—it’s on the activity. The pressure to “have a deep conversation” often fades away, and the dialogue feels less forced and more spontaneous. Whether it’s exploring the outdoors, trying a new sport, or even just being together while you’re both moving, these shared experiences can help you create memories, ease their stress, and open up those lines of communication.
It’s amazing how movement—whether it’s through exercise, a simple walk, or playing a game—can transform your relationship with your tween. You may have noticed that sometimes when you try to talk to them at home, they clam up, but once you’re outside doing something together, they start to open up. That's the magic of getting active—when you're side by side, not focused on looking them in the eye or sitting across the table, but rather simply walking, biking, or playing, your tween can feel safer in opening up.
Take a Nature Walk or Hike: The Healing Power of the Outdoors
The first time I took my daughter, Lily, on a nature walk, I didn’t expect anything life-changing to happen. We were just walking through the local park, meandering slowly along the dirt trail, talking about random things. But something shifted in the stillness of the woods.
Lily, who had been closed off for weeks, suddenly started talking. It wasn’t anything earth-shattering at first. She mentioned how stressful school had been lately, how she was dealing with some tough friendships, and how she was afraid she wasn’t “cool enough” to fit in. But the words came so easily. It wasn’t the “perfect time” for a deep conversation—there was no sitting down with tissues or having a heart-to-heart on the couch. Instead, it was the act of walking together, breathing in the fresh air, and being in a neutral, calming environment that helped her open up.
And while I listened, I realized how much she had been carrying that I had never known about. I saw a side of her that was vulnerable and anxious—things she might not have shared in the chaos of everyday life. We didn’t talk for hours, and we didn’t have a long “session” of therapy, but just that short, 30-minute walk through the park helped me connect with her in a way that felt natural and unforced.
The outdoors is a peaceful, grounding setting. Nature seems to have that effect on people. Being surrounded by trees, birds, and fresh air seems to invite us to slow down and really listen—not just to the words but to the emotions underneath. It’s in these spaces that the walls between us as parent and tween can start to fall.
Go for a Bike Ride: Two Wheels, One Heartbeat
One of the most fun and freeing activities you can do with your tween is to go for a bike ride. I’ll never forget one Saturday afternoon when Lily and I decided to take our bikes down to the nearby trail. It was a simple plan—just to ride, enjoy the fresh air, and chat along the way—but the impact it had on our connection was much more significant than I expected.
At first, it was just the sound of our tires crunching on the pavement, and the gentle breeze brushing past us. But soon, something shifted. We were side by side, navigating the trail together, and the conversation started to flow. She told me about a fight she had with her best friend, about how she was struggling with her self-image, and how sometimes she felt like she was invisible at school. I didn’t even have to try hard to get her to talk. The movement, the rhythm of pedaling, and the feeling of being outside together created the space for her to open up.
The great thing about biking together is that it removes the pressure of sitting still and staring at each other. You’re both moving, both focused on the road ahead, and there’s a kind of unspoken bond that forms when you’re sharing an activity. It’s like you’re both in it together—learning something new, challenging each other, and supporting each other without even realizing it. As Lily and I pedaled side by side, I could sense her becoming more at ease. I saw her smile more freely, and I realized that this simple activity was becoming a safe space for her to share what was really on her mind.
Try a New Sport Together: Laughter and Learning
A few weeks ago, I thought it might be fun for Lily and me to try something completely new—something neither of us had done before. I suggested we try tennis. We had no experience, but I figured it would be an opportunity for us to laugh at ourselves, be silly, and just have fun.
At first, Lily wasn’t so sure. “I don’t know, Mom. I’m not good at tennis. What if I mess up?” she said, a little unsure of herself.
I smiled. “You can’t mess up. It’s about having fun. We’re just going to try it together.”
That’s all it took. We signed up for a lesson, and although we were far from being experts, we had a blast. We spent an hour laughing at our awkward swings, trying to keep the ball in play, and encouraging each other when we missed. It was a time to be silly, to let go of expectations, and just enjoy the moment.
And somewhere in the middle of all the laughter, Lily opened up. She told me about how hard she had been working to “fit in” at school, and how much pressure she felt to be perfect. As we both chased tennis balls across the court, I could see her start to relax, her worries lifting just a little bit. I wasn’t lecturing her, and I wasn’t trying to fix anything— I was just there, in that moment, laughing with her and showing her that it was okay to be imperfect.
Trying a new sport together can teach both of you so much. It’s not just about the game or the exercise—it’s about the shared experience of learning and growing together. And through that growth, it becomes a platform for deeper, more meaningful conversations.
The Beauty of Movement and Connection
The beauty of getting active with your tween is that the conversation doesn’t feel forced, and the focus isn’t entirely on “talking about your feelings.” When you move together—whether you’re walking, riding bikes, or learning a new sport—you’re giving your tween the space to open up on their own terms. Movement is freeing, and sometimes it’s easier to talk when you’re not locked in direct eye contact. You’re simply walking or biking together, enjoying the rhythm of the activity, and letting the connection happen naturally.
In a world full of distractions and pressures, these simple activities can remind both of you of the importance of slowing down and truly being present with each other. They offer more than just physical exercise—they offer emotional healing, growth, and a way to stay connected through the ever-changing tween years.
So, next time you find yourself struggling to connect with your tween, don’t force the deep conversations. Instead, grab your bikes, head to the park, or try something new together. You might just find that in the laughter, the movement, and the shared experience, your tween will open up in ways you never expected. And in that moment, you’ll both realize just how precious these years truly are.