The Tween Years Series
Post 1 of 4: —Understanding the Transition from Childhood to Adolescence
Post 2 of 4: Navigating the Social Pressures of the Tween Years
Post 3 of 4: Emotional Intelligence and Resilience: Teaching Tweens How to Manage Their Feelings
Post 4 of 4: 6 Practical Tips for Parents to Survive Mood Swings
Note: As you read these posts, please keep in mind that I am not a mental health professional. I am, however, a mother. My husband and I have walked through self-esteem, depression, and anxiety issues with our daughter. I’ve personally walked through some of these issues when younger. My little sister has battled mental health challenges since middle school. I’ve done research to help those around me that I love dearly. I share my research and my stories. I truly believe in the power of showing someone how much you love them. I truly believe that our words can speak life over another person.
The tween years are challenging enough, but when compounded by issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, and social pressures, they can become even more overwhelming.
As parents, it’s natural to feel like you're constantly navigating a storm of emotional ups and downs. Your tween may be more irritable, moody, or defiant than ever before, and these shifts can leave you questioning what happened to the child you once knew. Mood swings and bad attitudes are common during this time, but understanding why they occur—and how to manage them—can help you approach your child’s behavior with patience and empathy.
Understanding Tween Mood Swings and Attitudes: Why Are They So Common?
The transition from childhood to adolescence is a period of profound change. Your tween's body is undergoing physical changes, their brain is developing at a rapid rate, and their emotions are all over the place. This combination of factors contributes to a rollercoaster of emotions that can sometimes feel impossible to predict.
1. Hormonal Changes:
One of the biggest drivers of mood swings is puberty. As tweens go through this stage of development, their hormones are fluctuating at a rapid pace. This hormonal surge can cause feelings of irritability, anger, sadness, or frustration—all of which might seem disproportionate to the situation at hand. The hormones that drive mood changes are out of their control, making it harder for your tween to regulate their emotions effectively.
Source: American Academy of Pediatrics, "Puberty and Adolescence: What Parents Should Know," AAP.org.
2. Cognitive and Emotional Development:
Tweens are also developing the ability to think more abstractly and critically. They begin questioning rules, authority, and social norms, which can cause friction at home. As their brains grow and mature, they experience an emotional rollercoaster, struggling to reconcile their new thoughts and feelings with their growing independence. This is often when you'll see "attitude" manifest in the form of eye rolls, sarcasm, or defiance.
Source: Steinberg, L. (2005). The 10th Anniversary Edition of "The Development of the Adolescent Brain." National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
3. Increasing Desire for Independence:
As tweens grow older, they begin to seek autonomy and a sense of control over their lives. They may test boundaries more frequently, push back against your authority, and act out in ways that feel disrespectful. This is a normal part of their development, but it can make interactions feel tense and challenging. Your tween may reject certain rules or curfews because they want to assert their independence and find their own identity.
Source: Larson, R., & Richards, M. (1991). Daily Lives of Adolescents. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 20(5), 679-699.
4. Social Pressures and Peer Influence:
The tween years are also a time when friendships, social groups, and peer acceptance become increasingly important. Tweens are navigating complex social dynamics and trying to figure out where they fit in. The pressure to belong or meet expectations can contribute to mood swings and bad attitudes, especially if they feel left out, judged, or misunderstood by their peers. Their emotional responses may not always align with what’s going on at home, but these pressures weigh heavily on their minds.
Source: Steinberg, L., & Silverberg, S. B. (1986). The Influence of Peer Relationships on Adolescent Development. Child Development, 57(6), 1344–1359.
Managing Mood Swings and Attitudes: Practical Strategies for Parents
While mood swings and attitudes are a natural part of tween development, there are effective ways to manage these emotional shifts and guide your tween through this tumultuous time.
1. Stay Calm and Practice Patience
When your tween’s mood swings hit, it’s easy to react with frustration or anger. However, the key to managing their bad attitudes is to remain calm and avoid escalating the situation. When you stay composed, you provide a model for emotional regulation and show them how to handle stress in a healthy way.
Source: “Parenting a Teen: Coping with Teen Mood Swings,” Psychology Today.
2. Validate Their Feelings
Tweens are still learning how to process and communicate their emotions. Often, mood swings come from feeling misunderstood or not having the words to express their emotions. Acknowledge their feelings by saying things like, "I can see you're upset. It’s okay to feel angry or frustrated, but let’s talk about what’s bothering you." Validating their emotions helps them feel heard and respected, which can make them more open to dialogue.
Source: "Validation of Emotion: A Parental Approach to Understanding Teenagers." American Psychological Association (APA).
3. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
Tweens may push back against authority and test limits as they seek independence. It’s important to set clear boundaries and enforce them consistently. While your tween may express frustration, boundaries provide the stability they need to feel secure. Consistent expectations help them understand what is and isn’t acceptable, even when their emotions are in turmoil.
Source: Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887-907.
4. Encourage Open Communication
Creating an open line of communication helps your tween feel comfortable expressing their emotions in a healthy way. Let them know they can talk to you about what’s going on in their life, even if they’re struggling with feelings of frustration, insecurity, or confusion. Encourage them to talk about their friendships, school pressures, or any other challenges they might be facing.
Source: "Open Communication: The Key to Understanding Your Teenager." Child Mind Institute.
5. Promote Healthy Coping Strategies
Tweens are still learning how to manage their emotions effectively. Teaching them healthy coping strategies can help them navigate their mood swings and improve their emotional regulation. Encourage practices like journaling, physical activity, or mindfulness techniques to help them process their feelings in a constructive way.
Source: "Teaching Emotional Regulation in Adolescence." National Institutes of Health (NIH).
6. Celebrate Positive Moments and Growth
While the tween years come with plenty of challenges, they also present opportunities for growth. Celebrate the small wins, whether it’s a positive conversation, an instance of self-regulation, or a breakthrough in communication. Positive reinforcement helps boost your tween’s confidence and encourages them to continue developing healthy emotional habits.
Source: "The Power of Praise: How Reinforcement Helps Teens Grow." Psychology Today.
The Power of Self-Image: Using Photography to Build Confidence and Emotional Resilience
While mood swings and bad attitudes are part of the growing process, there are ways to help your tween build emotional resilience and self-confidence.
A personalized photo session can help tweens see themselves through a different lens—literally and figuratively. It’s an opportunity to celebrate their uniqueness, their strengths, and their beauty. As tweens often struggle with self-image, seeing themselves captured in a positive, empowering way can have a profound impact on their emotional well-being.
Photography sessions provide tweens with a moment to express themselves authentically, feel valued, and witness their true beauty reflected back to them. When tweens are reminded of their worth, it can help counteract feelings of insecurity or frustration, giving them a more positive foundation to navigate mood swings and challenging behaviors.
Now imagine this photo session supercharged to amplify its results. I’ve worked with countless parents to fine-tune these sessions to truly show a tween her worth and beauty and increase her confidence.
Source: "The Importance of Self-Image and Self-Esteem in Adolescence," National Association of School Psychologists (NASP).
Conclusion
The tween years are undeniably difficult, with mood swings and attitudes often making it feel like you’re walking on a tightrope. But understanding why these shifts occur—and how you can respond with patience, empathy, and structure—can help both you and your tween make it through this phase more smoothly.
By fostering open communication, promoting emotional regulation, and providing opportunities for self-expression, you can help your tween develop the emotional intelligence and resilience they need to navigate these years with confidence. And through tools like photography, you can give them the visual reminder that they are enough—just as they are—no matter what challenges they face.
Learn more about the supercharged solution that I offer to my clients:
Sources Cited:
American Academy of Pediatrics. (n.d.). Puberty and Adolescence: What Parents Should Know. AAP.org.
Steinberg, L. (2005). The 10th Anniversary Edition of "The Development of the Adolescent Brain." National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
Larson, R., & Richards, M. (1991). Daily Lives of Adolescents. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 20(5), 679-699.
Steinberg, L., & Silverberg, S. B. (1986). The Influence of Peer Relationships on Adolescent Development. Child Development, 57(6), 1344–1359.
"Parenting a Teen: Coping with Teen Mood Swings," Psychology Today.
"Validation of Emotion: A Parental Approach to Understanding Teenagers." American Psychological Association.
Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887-907.
"Open Communication: The Key to Understanding Your Teenager." Child Mind Institute.
"Teaching Emotional Regulation in Adolescence." National Institutes of Health (NIH).
"The Power of Praise: How Reinforcement Helps Teens Grow." Psychology Today.
"The Importance of Self-Image and Self-Esteem in Adolescence," National Association of School Psychologists (NASP).